The Tangled Traveler
An exploration of inner and outer presence
The alleyway beckons to me. It whispers of the unexplored. I follow it, eager. Halfway down the alley, I see an inviting coffee shop. Turning away from the adventure, my feet are pulled to it, aching for stillness, a journal, a book, a laptop.
I’m now in month 3 of sabbatical and we’ve been traveling. Constant movement is stimulating, inspiring, exhausting, and frustrating.
The frustration has been an illuminating mirror.
A conversation in my mind
I’ve got two conflicting voices in my head. They both feel equally true, and they both want the best for me.
One is the sound of my internal world. It’s constantly lobbying me to find physical stillness, so that I can spend time reflecting and crafting. The other one is the booming voice of my external world, always reminding me to open my eyes to the wonder around me.
These two voices like to banter and bicker. Here’s how their argumentative lobbying tends to go:
Internal World: This travel thing is great, but you need some time to reflect. Why don’t we stop to make cool stuff, journal, and chat with friends? Let’s find a coffee shop and an internet connection. The soul needs creative time, lets go!
External World: Wait up! Don’t you see this beautiful place? You’ve given yourself the gift of space, and you’ve traveled all these miles. You love the breeze, the fountains, the alleys, the night markets, the rains, the babble of the people. This is a beautiful experience of newness. Feel it, and live among it with full presence.
Internal World: But you finally have the time you’ve dreamed of to build, write, journal, introspect. You said you’d do all of these things “later,” on sabbatical. This is later. What are you waiting for? Let’s get a schedule together. Let’s grab pen and paper. Let’s hit the keyboard! Let’s chart a course. It’s exciting!
External World: Forget those plans. Throw out the charts. Let’s do whatever we want. Even if it’s doing nothing. Especially if it’s doing nothing. Do you see this sunset? Do you feel that inhale?
Travel and transition
When we set out, we wanted to follow the advice of establishing longer-term stays abroad. And we did that in Malaysia, for our first month of travel. It was great. The banter in my head still occurred, but after some external exploration, the internal world got its share of attention.
Later, our plans got a bit carried away. We’ve been hopping through different locations in Taiwan – and Japan and Thailand are on the horizon. From now until mid-Jan, we won’t be planted in a place for longer than a few days.
It’s exciting, a blessing, and exhausting. There are frequent transitions and no established routines. This pair makes the desire to explore externally as high as the desire to dive into craft and internal reflection.
There’s no answer for how to overcome this tension. I doubt the need to “overcome” it at all. Sometimes it’s better to be present with the internal world. Sometimes it’s better to be awake to what’s outside of ourselves.
At the moment, I feel as though I’m a “tangled traveler” — someone whose presence is pulled into intense ventures internally and externally. Tangled travelers are tasked with unraveling life’s priorities when both the inner and outer worlds demand attention.
This is a good thing. It’s a part of the journey I am embracing. Living this way is a blessing. I’m learning about the limits of my adaptability. I’ve become aware of what my inner creative needs. I’m committed to listening deeply. I’ll hear the voices within and do what feels most alive.
Have you felt torn by attention demanded by internal and external adventures? Where do you direct your presence in the midst of environmental transition?
Curious to hear about your experience… comment below, hit reply, or DM me on Twitter!
Snap of the Week
